Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
