i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize