I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
