we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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