the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
