i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
