This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
