have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize