did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
