I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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