:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
