So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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