I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
