I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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