i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
