I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize