Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
