K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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