did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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