New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
