Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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