Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have fence marks all over my body
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
