I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
