went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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