I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
