thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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