dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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