so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
