peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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