So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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