she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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