eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
