I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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