so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
