I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
