I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
