I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
