U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
