He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize