i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I am full of burrito and curiosity
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
