you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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