im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
