Don't you send me to vm
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
