How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
