Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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