he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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