so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
