So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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