Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
