Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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