Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
