I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
