2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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