It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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