I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
