Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
