I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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