i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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