and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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