FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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