They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
