I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
