it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
