i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
