bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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