It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
