I can tuck mytits in my pants
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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